Lost and found

Hey,

Long time!  Yeah so I told a slight fib when I promised to divulge all about my travels, it’s now been just over 6 months and I’ve found the draft with the opening paragraph saved.  The fact is my WordPress kept crashing each time I uploaded a pic and well I gave up, I wasn’t posting it unless it was perfect.  So this is issue no. 1.  Let’s begin 🙂

  • Perfectionist gone crazy:  I’ve always been quite particular in all that I do, actually all that I care about, but recently I’ve become so frustrated with everything around me all that I can control, will be.  I can genuinely feel myself losing it.
  • I’m stuck in another job where I couldn’t feel any more disposable:  ‘Marketing’ is in my title, and it’s in the Affiliate industry, another ‘on the up’ field in the Digi marketing sphere (as was PPC) so I guess hurrah for the CV?  It’s not going to look so good when I make my sharp exit – it’s just re-emphasised how much I hate the Corpies.  I’m not the girl to laugh at jokes that aren’t funny, network with the influentials nor pander to who I swear should be classed as clinically insane (I’m quite aware this is becoming increasingly cynical, I can’t promise there’ll be a happy ending, you should maybe close your browser now.)  The company cares nothing for the little guys, nor many of their clients actually, and I’m sure I’m being naive, and this is how businesses run and survive but the whole things makes me feel ill.  So yes, I must leave, right away.
  • This brings me to my next point, I make my return back to the job jungle.  I am good at what I’ve done and I have the potential to do well in my next role (keep your fingers crossed for Communications positions in the Arts 😉 )- My boss quite frankly stated that I’m my own worst enemy the other day, which is the absolute truth.  I’m 25, I have got to have faith in myself one day or else no-one will believe it. n.b my boss is an absolute witch in all other respects.  I hate that she made this observation.
  • 3 days off to sort my life out.  Day one: CV reshuffle, upload to all recruiter sites.  Day two:  Spent most of the morning on phone to recruiters, actually not all aimless roles either, met recruiter in afternoon who may have proposed close to dream job, well next step to dream job anyhow.  Don’t want to curse it so I won’t say much more :).  Day two, evening: The onset of serious bout of self doubt and fear hits, cue my WordPress saviour.
  • As I’m confessing all in this post I should tell you what has been playing on my mind most of all.  I’ve fallen madly, deeply for a pen pal of mine, which sounds absolutely crazy I’m sure but I thought him perfect when I first met him (on the travels I never got around to telling you about).  Ok so the strand in Practical Magic, where Sandra Bullock creates her perfect man, and he has the different coloured eyes, one blue, one green? He literally ticks every single one of the characteristics I’ve always said I’d want (believe me the list is extensive).  I feel like a hormonal teen all over again.  He sees right through me and knows me better than I know myself in some respects and quite frankly I don’t think I’ve ever been so afraid.

Anyway, I’d say that’s quite enough for today, I’m going to go read before Bedfordshire comes a calling.

Thanks for listening

x

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