No regrets

Friends since school, memories of belly aching laughs, tears and falling into many a drunken stupor!

Sounds perfect in hindsight, but you go to Uni, meet new people, try new things and I don’t care if it’s clichéd, those who are willing to find themselves bloody do. Anyway so I did, somewhat, and in doing so I learnt more and more of how little I knew those I surrounded myself with.

I’ve graduated, I’m the proud owner of a piece of paper, which in turn counts for little in the world of Marketing. If any one ever tells you English is ‘the ultimate passport’, ignore them, continue doing what makes you happy and for the love of god get some work experience to substantiate it! Degrees are truly unnecessary, for Marketing anyway. Anywho, I digress.

I’m back in my hometown, more alien than ever, away from my beautiful friends that I’d grown to adore (except my dearest Allissha who soon abandons me to pursue China) and the inevitable cutting out of pre-uni friends begins.

Now I’m not one with friends a plenty, I’ve always been awkward, brush away acquaintances, and will only bother with those worth bothering about, as a result I can count all of my friends on one hand.

Sunny* changed too. Either that or her less appealing characteristics just became more apparent and less tolerable. Don’t get me wrong she was fab, a complete spag head, a great listener (for most part) and the perfect boyfriend alternative.  She was always the top of her game, destined to be successful in whatever she does, popular, charismatic…I could go on all day, let’s just say she meant a hell of a lot to me.

But suddenly it clicked, her egocentric side, the constant bragging of charity involvement, of achievements when it was a time to listen and support, the talk of morals were no longer admirable but to me empty and infuriating, all in all I’d reached melting point and I could no longer bear speak to her without wanting to scream!! The time I sobbed on the phone while she carried on talking of potential jobs, her future, amazing family, fabulous boyfriend…ENOUGH.

Reading back it’s all me, me, me and maybe I was jealous? She was a MASSIVE part of my life and I miss her a tonne. Recently moreso than ever, I’ve been questioning whether it was the right thing to do. I know there was no in between, it had to be bessies or nothing at all. We still text every so often to check the other’s ok, the last time we met it was just plain awks.

I’ve decided life’s too short, it may never be the same again, nor does it need to, but I’ve asked her for a catch up (over gin) to check I did make the right choice and that I’ve not chucked something amazing over a rash judgement.

It’s a year and a half on since I saw her last. I’m bricking it.

*Sunny’s real name cannot be divulged in the event of the unlikely case she may become internet savvy and choose to read my inner most thoughts.